My life is perfect. I hate that I whine too much because I’m in America where shit is easy and there’s a bunch of shit and I really shouldn’t whine when my base level of my Maslow-ian needs are being both met and exceeded.
BUT is there any way that I could be less lonely? The world is overpopulated, rife with humans, but I am so goddamn lonely. I’m trapped by a conscience and perspective that nobody can share. Still, I don’t want to get into that sort of pseudo-intellectual debris that I scrape off the bottom of my brain.
I just feel like the point where ‘FOREVER ALONE’ becomes a legitimately depressing and harrowing subject for someone is the point where I need to consider an ‘Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind’ moment.
What if I could kill a portion of my meta-aware brain? What if I could become a person of motivation and assumed intrinsic righteousness? It would be so much easier to assume the world revolved around me- or at least that I had a slight gravitational pull.
`Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?’
`That depends a good deal on where you want to get to,’ said the Cat.
`I don’t much care where—’ said Alice.
`Then it doesn’t matter which way you go,’ said the Cat.
Fuck it. I actually quoted that. But I wonder if this is how it is- to meet acquaintances among the way until the journey ends. And what happens if ideas and morality get mixed and muddled like these acquaintances? Everyone is essentially alone. I can’t find a straight path in the woods, but somehow I don’t care. I like to romanticize things. I don’t want to go it alone. More unwarranted panic attacks. More pseudo-intellectual justification.
More drivel from a spoiled child on a planet with calamities and starvation.
It’s not like I don’t have friends. I have some good ones. I’m an atrocious whining mess- but it’s so goddamn difficult not to pace back and forth over this concept fruitlessly.
I’m so lonely.