My life is perfect. I hate that I whine too much because I’m in America where shit is easy and there’s a bunch of shit and I really shouldn’t whine when my base level of my Maslow-ian needs are being both met and exceeded.

BUT is there any way that I could be less lonely? The world is overpopulated, rife with humans, but I am so goddamn lonely.  I’m trapped by a conscience and perspective that nobody can share.  Still, I don’t want to get into that sort of pseudo-intellectual debris that I scrape off the bottom of my brain.

I just feel like the point where ‘FOREVER ALONE’ becomes a legitimately depressing and harrowing subject for someone is the point where I need to consider an ‘Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind’ moment.

What if I could kill a portion of my meta-aware brain? What if I could become a person of motivation and assumed intrinsic righteousness? It would be so much easier to assume the world revolved around me- or at least that I had a slight gravitational pull.

`Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?’ 
`That depends a good deal on where you want to get to,’ said the Cat. 
`I don’t much care where—’ said Alice. 
`Then it doesn’t matter which way you go,’ said the Cat. 

Fuck it. I actually quoted that.  But I wonder if this is how it is- to meet acquaintances among the way until the journey ends.  And what happens if ideas and morality get mixed and muddled like these acquaintances?  Everyone is essentially alone.  I can’t find a straight path in the woods, but somehow I don’t care.  I like to romanticize things.  I don’t want to go it alone. More unwarranted panic attacks.  More pseudo-intellectual justification.

More drivel from a spoiled child on a planet with calamities and starvation.

It’s not like I don’t have friends.  I have some good ones.  I’m an atrocious whining mess- but it’s so goddamn difficult not to pace back and forth over this concept fruitlessly.  

I’m so lonely.